A guide to milonga etiquette

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If you are going to write about tango, at some point you have to write a guide to tango etiquette. So here is mine.

There is a right way to enter the milonga, to invite someone and to join the dance-floor traffic flow. 

IN GENERAL

The universal rules of courtesy and good manners apply to milongas. The reason for codes of conduct is not to limit or restrict people, but, on the contrary, to ensure that a pleasurable time can be had by all and not just a select few. Beyond the universal rules of courtesy, respect and good manners, there are some rules that apply specifically to social dancing and even more specifically to Argentine tango dancing.

New dancers can use this list as a guide to their first milongas. Others can use it as a reminder, or as a starting point for discussion if there are points about which you feel strongly one way or the other. I certainly did not invent these codes of conduct, but I stand by them. Well, most of them. I have included some “rules” that I don’t wholeheartedly support, and have of course included my reasons why. As always, feel free to give me your feedback!

ENTERING THE MILONGA

When you enter a milonga, or need to cross from one side of the dance floor to the other, always go around, not through, the dance floor.

Photo: Jacques Guibert

Whom to invite? And how?

INVITING AND ACCEPTING

The cabeceo:

I am only now mastering the art of this traditional method of inviting, which involves nothing more than eye contact and a nod. In Buenos Aires, pretty much everyone uses it, but not here in North America. It was not really used in Montreal when I started tango back in the late 1990s, so it is a relatively recent discovery for me. That being said, I think the cabeceo is wonderful and has many advantages, as well as a couple of drawbacks.

In terms of advantages for leaders, there is none of that embarrassment of crossing the room to be rejected for all to see.

For followers, avoiding eye contact is an easy way to say no without having to actually say no … or make up excuses (see below for more on this). I believe the technique also empowers women. Some people still frown upon women doing the inviting, but with the subtlety of the cabeceo, it is sometimes hard to tell the inviter from the invitee. After all, if I want him to invite me, I am the one who has to look him in the eye... then he nods and I smile, or was it me who smiled and then he nodded? It all feels much more like mutual agreement. This subtle assertiveness is not always easy for us shy types, but if we master the technique, we may actually overcome some of our shyness at the same time.

Of course, nothing is fool-proof. The one major drawback to the cabeceo is the risk of confusion. If the room is large or dark or very crowded, it can be hard to tell who is looking at whom, so when someone nods toward your table, it may be hard to discern the target. Guys, if you nod at someone and the wrong person accepts, the polite or gentlemanly thing to do is to dance the tanda with your unintended, and hope you are more on target next time.

The verbal invitation: While I encourage the increasing use of the cabeceo, I believe there are many instances in which it is just fine to verbally invite someone. If you happen to be standing right next to someone and want to dance with them, it makes sense to use words. If you are having a conversation with someone and a great tanda starts up, of course you would ask the person verbally. And, because the cabeceo is not an ingrained custom in Montreal or the rest of North America the way it is in Buenos Aires, not everyone knows how to use it, so it’s hard to use it with everyone.

Leaders, what you need to know:

There are an increasing number of women out there who are what one might call cabeceo snobs, meaning they will reject an invitation for the sole reason it was done “incorrectly,” as in verbally. Also, if you are going to go the verbal invite route, there are definitely some rules, and some instances in which you should just not go there:

• She is deeply involved in a conversation with someone. She is clearly having a tête-à-tête, or holding hands, or sitting on somebody’s lap. It seems obvious that this would not be the right moment to invite her, but what seems obvious to some...
• She seems to be purposely avoiding your gaze. No matter what you do, you cannot attract her attention. Why risk it? If it looks a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck...
• The shoes are off. This means her feet are tired and she’s either taking a break or done for the evening. Or she wants you or someone else to think her feet are tired and she’s taking a break. Either way, ask at your own risk.

Whatever you do, don’t hover. If, despite any or all of the above signs, you are determined to try and dance with this person, just go ahead and ask. Don’t stand in the periphery of your target’s vision, shifting your weight around, being distracting and making everyone feel awkward.

And please, always give your invitee a choice, and accept that choice. While I thoroughly support the cabeceo, I wholeheartedly discourage what another teacher once described as the "grabeceo." It is unfair to just grab someone by the arm and pull her on to the dance floor without asking her first. It is also bad form to accost someone on the dance floor just as she is finishing a tanda with someone else. If you ask and she says no, accept her answer with grace; don't pester or demand an explanation. That just makes everyone uncomfortable – and will definitely not up the chances of her accepting next time.

Followers, to accept or not to accept: This is basically a non-issue when the cabeceo is used, which is one of its biggest advantages. Because you have to make eye contact in order to invite or be invited, if you don’t want to dance with someone, just don’t make eye contact.

But in my view, just because someone makes a faux-pas does not mean he or she doesn’t merit a minimum amount of respect. Women who say it’s the cabeceo or nothing say the guy who goes the verbal route deserves to be rejected because he’s asking the wrong way. I think it is unfair to outright punish dancers for using the less-favoured technique. Inviting verbally is a faux-pas in Buenos Aires, but here it is not, at least not yet. And even if it were, is it an unpardonable one?

In any case, if you choose to accept an invitation, as a woman or man, leader or follower, you accept and move on to the next step: the dance floor (see below).

If you choose to reject, there is an etiquette to that, too. My best advice is two-fold: First, be nice about it. Rejection is hard to take, and there is rarely a good reason to be unkind. Second, (and I admittedly don’t always follow this one myself) don’t lie. Whatever your reasons for the rejection, you are not obliged to provide them; a simple “No, thank you,” should suffice. It’s not always easy to be that candid, however. Most of us do care about other people’s feelings, so we like to soften the blow of rejection with a reason – tired feet or some such thing. That’s OK if it’s true, but common decency requires you to stand by your excuse and sit out the rest of the tanda, even if the best dancer in the room, the one you have been waiting weeks to dance with, asks you.

And then comes the question of whom to accept or reject. Of course, we all dance in order to have a good time, and we all ultimately have the right not to dance with whomever we choose. But I have some views and suggestions on the matter.

For me, the choice comes down to personality and attitude more than skill level or strict adherence to code.

I am a big supporter of dancing with beginners. After all, we were all beginners once, and we all get better when we occasionally get to dance with more advanced dancers. I don’t like the attitude that advanced dancers are somehow above dancing with beginners.

I generally don’t refuse people based on skill level but rather on attitude and dance floor etiquette. Leaders I avoid are those who push, pull and generally manhandle me so I have to spend every second fighting for my balance. I also try to steer clear of those who show a complete disregard for the other dancers on the floor. Leaders who use their partners like shields or weapons on the dance floor are really, really stressful and impossible to connect with, because their followers spend all their time and focus looking over their shoulders trying to do the leader's job of avoiding collisions. Also, dancers who correct or teach their partners on the dance floor are high on my list of those to avoid, as anyone who read my blog post on the subject knows well.

As advanced dancers, if we accept regardless of skill level, we will help beginners to work on their skills. Meanwhile, if we reject based on bad behaviour, we may help some dancers to work on that.

In terms of enjoyment as a follower, and therefore likelihood I will accept or seek out future invitations, things I look for, in this order, are: connection to me; attention to dance-floor flow and safety; musicality – with a basic sense of rhythm being enough and anything more a treat. Creative figures and fun moves are definitely on the list, but not if they get in the way of the aforementioned items.

I hear there is an attitude in some milongas that we should not dance with people we don’t know until we have seen them dance with someone else. You know, to make sure they’re good enough for us. After all, we wouldn’t want one of the “good,” “cool” or “in” dancers to see us dancing with someone beneath us, who might make us look bad and tarnish our reputation. I hope you can read the irony in my words, because this is an attitude I find outright ridiculous. It just reeks of snobbishness and self-importance, and I am proud to say the opposite phenomenon occurs at my milonga, where newcomers are welcomed with a smile and, before long, an abrazo.

I have taken risks by accepting dancers I had not studied previously. Now and then I suffer for it, for 12 minutes. But I have also had some lovely rewards and discovered some wonderful new connections.

Women inviting: Is it done? Yes. Is everyone comfortable with the evolving roles and women doing the asking? No. But it’s up to you to decide what you are comfortable with.

Cutting in: Just no. Certainly not during a song, or even in between songs. As mentioned earlier, it is not even good manners to grab someone during the cortina when he or she hasn’t yet left the dance floor after the previous dance. You just can’t invite someone who’s already on the dance floor. Period.

Asking third-party permission: When you approach a dating or married couple, is it necessary to ask permission of the other when you want to ask one of them to dance? Many would say yes, but I say no. Maybe it's the feminist in me talking, but I don't like to feel I need permission from my man to dance with someone or to do anything else. However, I do feel it is important to acknowledge the other person – and this applies not only to couples but to anyone sitting at the table. Say hello or even just smile. No one likes to feel invisible or ignored. And, as mentioned above, if the couple in question is obviously enjoying a "couple" moment, it's better to wait. Tango dancers need to be good at reading body language both off and on the floor.

ENTERING THE DANCE FLOOR

When entering the line of dance with your partner be careful not to cut right in front of an approaching couple. Unless you can easily merge leaving several paces free in front of the next couple, make eye contact with the approaching leader before you merge.

Photo: Jacques Guibert

Avoid large movements and backward kicks when the dance floor is crowded.

ON THE DANCE FLOOR

The tanda: Tandas are sets of three or four songs by one orchestra or of a similar style. Tandas are separated by cortinas, clips of non-tango music that last up to a minute. Normally we are meant to dance the full tanda with the same partner. Being left partway through a tanda feels bad. Period. So, barring extreme circumstances, remember, a tanda lasts 9-12 minutes of your life. Even if it is unpleasant, you can probably grin, bear it, and remember to say no next time. However, there are three instances in which it is acceptable to stop dancing partway through a tanda:

1. Both partners came to a mutual agreement before the dance began.

2. An injury or other emergency occurs during the dance.

3. The partner’s behaviour is so rude or disrespectful as to merit their being offended and publicly humiliated by being abandoned mid-tanda.

The cortina is our opportunity to change partners. While in the most traditional milongas in Buenos Aires everyone leaves the dance floor during the cortina, here in Montreal it is OK to stay on the dance floor with our partner if things are going great and we have agreed to dance another set. The cortina is also our cue to say “Thank you.” While we should always thank our partners for the dance, we should only thank them at the end of the dance. This is one of those things I hear all the time from novice dancers after their first milonga. They naively said “Thank you,” after the first song and were bewildered when their partner walked away! The cortina can also be the time to scout out your next partner. Most dancers wait to see what music will play next before actually inviting someone, but it’s a good idea to plan ahead and act fast, otherwise everyone will be taken by the time you’re ready to make your move.

No teaching on the dance floor: As anyone who read my blog post on the subject knows, this is a big one for me. Please, avoid teaching or correcting your partner. Dance to the level of your partner, and when something isn't working, try to improve your own technique. Corrections are the job of teachers, and should be saved for class time. (This applies to teachers as well.)

Less talk, more dancing: In general, just save the conversation for when the music stops. Constant apologies for every misstep are almost as annoying as corrections. And if you want to chat about the weather or discuss your day, have a seat at the bar.

Quality, not quantity! It's the connection that counts. Limit your large movements (ganchos, boleos, jumps, etc.), especially when the dance floor is full.

It has been said that the tanguero who dances non-stop for three hours straight doesn’t really love tango, he just needs to keep moving, and that a “real” dancer chooses his music and his partner – often one as a consequence of the other. I’m not sure how on board I am with this line of thinking. Sure there’s a difference between he who fills his plate with everything he can find and the discerning gourmet who wants nothing but the finest dishes, but they both love food, don’t they? Each in his own way. As long as they are following the rules of traffic flow, why shouldn’t people dance all night if that’s what they want to do?

Keep an eye on the road: Leaders, follow the line of dance, avoid weaving from one line to another, look ahead of you in order to avoid collisions, and look before you back up. Followers, stay with your partner and avoid kicking up your feet unless you know there is room. This means that if you dance with your eyes closed, you really shouldn't ever be kicking your feet up behind you. If your eyes are open, be the eyes in the back of your leader's head. It's OK to stop him from taking that step backward if it means avoiding a collision.

No hit and runs! Accidents happen. Never mind whose fault it was; it's just good manners to say sorry and make sure the other person is OK.

HYGIENE

                  It’s tango. You are going to be in close contact with lots of people. And you probably want those people to want to be in close contact with you.

                  Some things should go without saying, but they don’t always, so here it is:

                  If you are going to be wrapping your arms around people, holding hands with them, breathing close to them and putting your face against theirs, you ought to be paying pretty close attention to your personal hygiene.

                  Shower before you go dancing. Wear a clean shirt. Wear antiperspirant or deodorant if you need to, and you should know if you do.

                  Brush your teeth before heading out the door and, if necessary chew gum or suck on a breath mint.

                  Sweat a lot? If you have to head to the washroom between tandas to dry your face, do it. If your shirts get soaked through after an hour, carry an extra or two with you and change as needed. Lots of people do this, and it is much appreciated by their dance partners.

Thank you for helping all your fellow dancers enjoy their tango experience to the fullest!

Eight personality traits that will make you a better tango dancer

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Clearly there are certain physical abilities that contribute to the ease with which we learn and dance tango (or any other dance for that matter): strength, agility, balance, coordination, body awareness, good posture and a sense of rhythm, to name a few.

But it takes two to tango, so it takes more than superb poise and impressive footwork to become the tango dancer everyone keeps lining up for: It takes partnering skills, which have as much to do with who you are as what you can do.

Here are eight personality traits that will help you on your way to becoming not just the ultimate dancer, but also the ultimate partner.

Patience:

We all know that patience is a virtue – and the old cliché holds true on the dance floor. We have to be patient with ourselves in order first to learn and then to dance. Argentine tango is a challenging dance that takes a lot of focus and a lot of practice. I am the first to assert that anyone can learn it, but we all learn differently and at different speeds, so for those who struggle at all with it (which is most people), impatience – and the frustration that comes with it – is often the deal breaker.

Of course, it also doesn’t help if our partners are impatient with us. So we need to be patient not just with ourselves but also with our partners. It is just too easy to blame the other for the “mistakes” we make when we are dancing together. But before we sigh, roll our eyes or make that passive-aggressive little comment, we need to remember that not only are we dancing with someone who still has some learning to do, they are too. And this is true for all of us, forever. Sure it’s easier after 10 years than 10 weeks, but we are never done learning and improving our own skills. Patience involves an ability to let go of our plans and go with the flow, forgiving ourselves and our partners for those “mistakes” that really aren’t mistakes at all, just perfectly normal moments of miscommunication that can easily become opportunities for evolution and creativity. Patience will also make it easier for us to wait for the music, and therefore take pleasure from it, and to go with the flow on the dance floor rather than speeding around while weaving in and out of our lane and cutting off other dancers.

Trust:

This can be a tough one, but it’s also a huge one. If we are to find that true tango connection, we must trust our partners.

For leaders this means trusting that our partner is capable not just of following us, but also of dancing. Trusting in these two things means we will lead with confidence rather than hesitation, being clear while leaving it to the follower to stay with us and the music. Also, if we trust our partner to dance we will avoid the common mistake of over-leading. Remember, a leader’s job is not to take his (or her) partner from Point A to Point B, but to invite and then allow his partner to take that step.

For followers, we need to trust our partner to lead something. If I don’t trust my leader I will do what I think he (or she) meant to lead rather than what was actually led. I don’t need to know what my leader was thinking, only what my leader did.

So we have to trust the other, but it is equally important that we trust ourselves.

If leaders need to trust their followers in order to be clear, they also need to trust themselves or, again, they will hesitate – and then so will their partners.

For followers, they need to trust themselves to do what they feel and to take one step at a time. Sounds simple, but too many followers second-guess themselves constantly, wondering, “Was that right?” “What was that move we just did?” or “What’s next?” All pointless questions by the time they even come to mind. Once a step has been taken it is done and can’t be taken back. Right or wrong, intended or not, there is no point in judging it. All either partner can do is move on from here, and that is how tango is supposed to be. If we can trust that, we can worry less and dance more.

Self-confidence:

Along the same lines as trusting ourselves, self-confidence will help us lead or follow with ease and clarity and without hesitation or second-guesses. It is not always an easy trait to come by if it doesn’t come naturally, but it can come with time. We can, of course, help other dancers to gain self-confidence by, for instance, trusting and being patient with them. And of course, with practice and hard work comes increased mastery of the dance, which should lead to more self-confidence. Once we know  that we know what we are doing, that will come across to our partners and help them trust us. But we don’t need loads of vocabulary or years of training to be able to lead or follow; it is possible and helpful to be confident in the few things we do know. Self-confident dancers usually attract more partners, in turn helping them improve their skills and gain more confidence, attracting more partners still, and so on.

But beware the fine line between self-confidence and arrogance. A healthy trust that we know what we are doing does not mean we should think we are beyond fault or better than everyone else.

A sense of humour:

If we are to improve our tango dancing we need to take it seriously, but let’s not take ourselves too seriously.

Tango is an improvised dance, so not only does it not always go according to plan, it should not always go according to plan.

Almost every dancer is guilty of the occasional impatient sigh directed at our partners or ourselves, or of too many words of apology when “mistakes” are made. Some dancers are guilty of pointing out every failed move and of explaining what the result “should have” been.

Again, mistakes are often not really mistakes, so they usually don’t even need to be acknowledged. But even when a miscommunication is blatant and downright awkward, it’s tango and we’re supposedly in it for the fun of it, so why not just laugh it off? Smile, forgive your partner, forgive yourself. Then everyone can relax and move on rather than revisiting the unpleasant moment that made them uncomfortable and might very well stick with them through other dances or a whole evening that otherwise could have been more fun.

Passion:

It is tango, after all. It’s unusual for someone to be lukewarm about tango yet stick with it long enough to master it. It is widely accepted that tango is the most complex of the couple dances, because of its closeness, unique embrace and improvised nature, so we need to dedicate a significant amount of time if we’re going to get anywhere approaching an advanced level. Once a week is not enough, class time must be combined with practice time as well as dancing in the milongas, and six months of experience is nothing. So if we’re going to spend a significant part of our time and, yes, money on tango, we ought to be pretty passionate about it. Besides, passion will bring a quality to our dancing that goes beyond solid technique and a good sense of rhythm. People will see it and, of course, our partners will feel it.

Generosity:

Skilled dancers tend to be in demand, for obvious reasons, and of course so do young, attractive dancers. But there’s another kind of dancer people keep coming back to: fun dancers. If I dance with you and I enjoy myself, I will surely seek you out again, and not only that, but I will spread the word. Lots of factors can contribute to my fun, not the least of which are skill level and musicality, but the most enjoyable dancers are those who put their partners first. Take care of our partners – by dancing to their level thus making them feel good about their dancing, by not using them as shields or battering rams on the dance floor, by shrugging or laughing off any blips – and they will keep coming back to us. People with a generous spirit put others before themselves; tango dancers with a generous spirit put their partners’ enjoyment and wellbeing before their own. And it comes back to them in the end, because a dancer with happy partners is inevitably a happy dancer.

Good listening skills:

In life and in tango, the best communicators are good listeners.

Followers are told from the start that they need to follow, or listen to, their partners. This comes easily for some, and not so easily for others. Later on, followers learn that their role is in fact about much more than following and that they also need to express themselves in the dance. That’s when the real fun begins, but those who learn in that order – listen first and then talk – become the best at what they do. Those who “talk” too much and listen little tend to guess and anticipate and lack that connection that would otherwise make them such a pleasure to dance with.

As for leaders, they are all taught to lead, but what they often don’t realize is they also need to follow. The leader invites his partner to take a step, allows her to take that step and then follows her through it, or, in other words, allows her to speak and listens to what she has to say. This way, the leader ensures he allows his partner to complete a movement before he indicates something new. Those leaders who drag their partners around, making them feel like it’s all they can do to keep up? They are the ones who aren’t listening. Attentive leaders are the ones who allow their partners to express themselves, to decorate the dance, to contribute to the musicality. They are the ones who are the most fun and rewarding to dance with, for beginners and advanced dancers alike.

Presence:

Physical presence is essential for tango dancers. A passive leader is hard to follow, while a passive follower is boring. Dancers often talk about the “resistance” or the “pressure” that one should feel from one’s partner. I dislike both words because they imply that we should somehow block our partners or push them away. For me, the correct word here is “presence,” which correctly implies that we should be strong in our dancing, while looking for that meeting and exchange of energy with the other.

But there is another type of presence that is very helpful for tango dancers, and that is the ability to live fully and completely in the present moment. If we are guessing what comes next, working our way toward the next impressive move or judging ourselves or our partners, we are not truly present, and our connection will be lacking. One of the things I love most about dancing tango is that I can abandon myself to the dance, no matter what happened before or what might come later. I would go so far as to say (and I am not the first to say it) that I enter a meditative state when I am dancing Argentine tango. Those who have a natural knack for living in the moment may take quite easily to tango, while those who don’t may find that tango helps them learn to let go a little.

If you already possess any of the above-mentioned qualities, certain aspects of tango will come easily to you. The great thing is, tango can also help you to develop those traits that may not come so naturally, but that ultimately will help you in other aspects of your life as well.

(After all, life is a tango, is it not?)

An alternative view of tango music

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I love tango. I love the movement, the connection, the conversation, the abandon and, of course, the music.

I am a dancer, so I, like many, discovered tango music through the dance. Throughout my first decade of tango dancing I always did my best to be on the dance floor, whether dancing socially, teaching or performing. But since opening my own school and milonga seven years ago I have discovered an unexpected passion for DJing. I was surprised to discover just how much fun I could have sitting behind the console keeping everyone else dancing.

I love DJing during the milonga itself, but I also love the preparation. I often lose myself in collecting, researching and sorting music – when I should be attending to other, more pressing business matters. I tell myself I’m just going to look up the dates of a couple of classic Donato recordings … and three hours later I’m still absorbed in downloading, compiling, rating, categorizing and planning new tandas for my next milonga. Then comes the payoff: the satisfaction I feel when every dancer in the room is on the dance floor for that beautiful waltz tanda, or when six different people come to ask about a particularly intriguing alternative tanda.

Yes, you read me right: alternative tanda. I play alternative music and I’m not ashamed to admit it! Though sometimes I feel like I should be.

In recent months I have seen at least a couple of online discussion threads around the topic of alternative music. Two threads were started by dancers who complained that local DJs don’t play a big enough variety of music. Well, after one or two initial posts by dancers who felt the same way he does, the attacks began. What surprised me were not the differences of taste or opinion between the “traditional only” and “more nuevo” camps; different tastes are healthy and totally expected. What shocked me was the disdain shown by those with a more “purist” bent for those with alternative tastes. And also the disdain shown by some DJs for the general tango-dancing public, especially the less experienced tango-dancing public.

I have thought a lot about why that attitude bothers me so much and also about why I personally enjoy thinking and dancing outside the box from time to time.

I once read a post by a tango DJ who proudly stated she had NEVER played a song requested by a dancer. Never. I was shocked, because I actually thought that as DJs we were there for the dancers: to educate them, yes; to expand their horizons, certainly; but also, quite simply, to please them. Should a DJ play everything everyone asks for? Of course not. In my case, I have to know and like a song and be able to fit it into a tanda as well as the overall flow of the milonga, so not every request makes the cut. But some do! Sometimes they even inspire me to do something new and different, to surprise the dancers and myself. And my entire playlist is certainly not set in stone before the milonga even begins. I have a format that I follow, but even the best-laid plans can change. Doesn’t a good DJ adapt to the mood and flow of a given milonga? Isn’t that precisely why we have living, breathing DJs?

If we dance tango, we must love – or at the very least like – tango music. I love tango music passionately, but as both a dancer and a DJ I enjoy experimenting now and then with alternative rhythms, from nuevo tango music in all its incarnations to blues, pop and other genres. The thing is, I don’t only love tango music, I also just love music. As a tango dancer who loves lots of kinds of music, I have a lot of fun seeing what other types of music I can dance to yet still feel I’m dancing tango. Whatever my tastes or moods, I feel every song differently and that is what I express when I am dancing. And judging by the milongas I DJ, I am not alone.

Just as I believe every type of dancer has a role to play on the tango scene, so every type of music serves a purpose. While strong technique is the foundation on which every expert dancer is built, the fun guy with the funny moves who makes sure every woman gets to dance at least one tanda contributes something of great importance to a milonga: he makes sure a large number of people are enjoying themselves and feeling good about themselves.

The same goes for music. While some of today’s orchestrations both lack the soul of a 1930s D’Arienzo-Echagüe classic and stretch the very definition of tango, if they please the crowd and get most of the room both dancing and smiling, do they not deserve some measure of respect, along with the dancers who dance them and the DJs who dare to play them?

Whether you hate it, tolerate it or love it, modern tango music serves one undeniably important purpose: It makes tango music more accessible to the general public. From the funky fusion of such groups as Gotan Project and Otros Aires to the modern orchestrations of well-loved classics by bands like Unitango and Sexteto Milonguero, the rich sounds of today’s orquestas more easily appeal to the untrained ear of novice tango dancers than do those scratchy old classics. After 18 years of dancing Argentine tango, I know full well that our tastes change and evolve over time and that our appreciation for the subtle complexities of the Golden Age music only deepens. But that doesn’t mean that anything orchestrated after 1960 is worthy of nothing but snobbish disdain, or that the tastes of new or intermediate dancers should be cast aside.

I only love those Golden Age classics more each day and never grow tired of discovering and rediscovering them. But I also believe that modern tango music deserves to get some play in the milongas, because it is the modern musicians who keep the music evolving. Just as the best and most fun tanguero for me has a strong technical foundation but throws in the occasional surprise to challenge and amuse his partners, the best and most fun milongas are solidly based in the classics, with an occasional surprise to challenge and amuse the dancers.

Throughout history, change and evolution have met with resistance for fear they would taint the purity of what people knew and were comfortable with. But in the end, if something cannot evolve it dies. I believe we can respect and preserve the rich and beautiful history of tango while allowing it room to evolve, breathe and live on.

The five essential connections in tango

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Dancing tango is all about connection. Connection to our partners, of course, but there are other connections to be made if we are to dance tango to our fullest potential and enjoyment. There are five entities with which we need to establish a thorough connection in order to improve our dancing and our dance experience.

photo: Jacques Guibert

Connection One: The partner. This is the most obvious and indisputable connection. The old cliché “It takes two to tango” exists for a reason. Tango is the quintessential couple dance. Without a partner there is no tango.

However, this does not mean we need a regular partner. In tango, we aim to find, create and build an intense connection in a very short time. It is part of the beauty, the allure and the challenge of tango. This can be done mostly with one regular partner or a variety of rotating ones. Or both. Maybe tonight we will dance only with each other but tomorrow night we will dance with half the dancers in the room. It doesn’t matter. During each dance, everything we do should be caused or inspired by the person we are dancing with.

For both leader and follower, if we can focus more on our partners than on ourselves we will outdo ourselves in our role. If we think of taking care of our partners, of helping them by leading or following better, of waiting for and being patient for them, we will allow our partners to dance with more ease and enjoyment. In turn, we will dance with more ease and enjoyment. The tango relationship is not linear, it is circular, a constant give and take between the two partners; so whatever we give we will get back. Which brings us to the second essential connection.

photo: Jacques Guibert

Connection Two: The self. If it’s all about our partners, why do we need a deep connection with ourselves? Well, because it’s not all about our partners. It’s about the couple, and we are 50 per cent of the couple. They say you can’t really love someone else if you don’t love yourself first. Well, you also can’t really know someone else if you don’t know yourself first.

For tango teachers, one of the hardest obstacles to overcome when working with a student is lack of body awareness. Because tango is primarily a social dance, one that is taken up in middle age by many people, some of whom have never taken a dance class in their lives, many tango students do not have a lot of body awareness when they start out.  Perhaps they have never paid attention to – let alone tried to control – the dissociations that occur in their bodies when they move; maybe they have never thought about the position of their hips in relation to their feet and their shoulders; they have probably never tried to simultaneously drop their shoulders and raise their hearts, while keeping their knees soft and their arms relaxed but in contact with another person … It’s a lot to think about at once for anyone, especially for someone to whom these concepts are entirely new. This does not mean that someone who has never danced cannot learn tango at age 50 or 60. Absolutely they can and many do. But body awareness is one more aspect that takes hard work, practice and patience to learn. (Such disciplines as yoga and Pilates are wonderful for building body awareness – as well as strength, flexibility and balance – and are excellent supplements to tango lessons.)

If we know our bodies and ourselves, we will have better balance and overall control over our own movements. We will also be more inclined to trust ourselves to lead what we intend or follow what we feel. We need to know ourselves as deeply as we know our partners. So it’s not all about our partners. It’s about ourselves and our partners, and if we know both and care for both we will be on our way to dancing as one, which is what we strive for. We could in fact role these first two connections into one entity: the couple, made up of two separate but equal parts. But while we should strive to move and breathe as one, we both bring ourselves to the dance, and it is important neither to be overly passive and to lose our own identities to the other nor to be overly dominant and to overshadow the other.

Connection Three: The music. This connection is my personal favourite. Music is literally what moves me. It is the inspiration behind my every step and every gesture.

But musicality is a funny thing in Argentine tango. Because we can improvise so widely on the music, because there are no set patterns forcing us to start something new with each new phrase or mark every strong beat with metronome-like regularity, teachers often avoid setting sequences to music in any specific way and students often ignore the music completely, saying that it’s too much to think about on top of everything else. But this is a mistake. The dance and the music cannot be treated as separate entities. If students get used to treating the music as background noise it will be difficult to later backtrack and use the rhythm as the driving force that guides their every action.

As dancers, we should be living and breathing the music as any other instrument, marking the rhythm and painting the melody. Otherwise, why choose tango music, or indeed any music at all? We dance differently to every type of music and to every orchestra – or at least we should. It is not even enough to just listen to and try to follow the music: We need to let the music into our bodies and our hearts, to lead us, to become one with us. Just like that perfect partner.

Photo: Jacques Guibert

Connection Four: The floor. This one sounds obvious, yet it is amazing how many people have trouble keeping both feet on the floor. Sure, we all know we must touch the floor when we walk; we don’t have much of a choice. But it is more than that in tango. We need to be fully aware of the ground and our connection to it. The ground, well, grounds us. It supports us, stabilizes us and gives us power.

It supports us best when we work with gravity, letting it soften our knees and weigh down our feet, hips and shoulders, so that we can stand straight and tall, lengthening the spine and lifting the heart for both balance and elegance. In yoga, when they do a tree pose they talk about the roots – a tree’s connection to the ground – being what allow it to stand so tall and not fall over. It is the same for a tango dancer.

The floor stabilizes us when we have both feet in connection with it as often as possible, the supporting leg grounding our axis and the free leg widening our base of support and providing an anchor. Think of how a tree’s roots spread out beyond the base of its trunk.

The floor gives us power when we use our supporting leg to propel our movements, both steps and pivots. This power provides ease of movement and a clear message to our partners.

Teachers talk about caressing the floor, licking the floor (with our feet, of course!), painting on the floor, being friends with the floor and knowing the floor intimately, including every crack, bulge and dent. Do all of these things: be one with the floor and it will help you be one with yourself, your partner and the music.

 

Connection Five: The world around us. The last connection is by no means the least important. Many dancers neglect this one, though.

We often say that when things are just right with our partner the rest of the world disappears. It is like we are dancing in a bubble. While this is true, our bubble must be transparent so that we don’t collide with or entirely pop other couples’ bubbles mid-tanda. So we need to dance respectfully, limiting backward steps, refraining from tailgating or abruptly cutting in front of others and not taking up too much space on a crowded floor.

But instead of just dancing around all the other couples and treating them like obstacles, we should try to dance with them. If everyone did this, the flow in the milongas would be so fluid, pleasant and, in the end, easy to navigate. Tango salón is a social dance, so all those other dancers are an integral part of our art and our experience. We need to accept that, and accept that our dancing plans and patterns need to constantly change and evolve because of what is happening around us. Not easy, perhaps, but imagine the whole room moving as one, to the same music, on the same floor, each in a different body and with a different partner, but in harmony. It would be tango bliss.

Every now and then, all five connections will fall into place at once: Our bodies will move with ease and confidence, melding at once with our partners and the music, fully connected to and supported by the floor and in harmony with those around us for that perfect dance that transports us and reminds us why we so love tango.